RAW DETROIT BLOG
When I was growing up i knew this Kid named Jimmy all the other kids would call him crazy Jimmy. Jimmy thought he was crazy too, becuase of what he saw and he knew he should not have told his visions to anyone else, cause they would think he was crazy, well Jimmy didn't listen to that inner voice and he told a few of his friends, and well ya know how kids are with teasing other kids, thats when everybody started calling him crazy Jimmy. Jimmy wasn't as concern'd with the ridicule that he got from the other kids it was his vow with God that he had broken that disturbed him more than anything, he told God he would't tell, and he told, which left him with a sense of guilt having betrayed God. dam it Jimmy thought why did i tell them. I think Jimmy told because he always felt inferior to the other kids, he couldn't fight as good, or run as fast, he was always trying to fit in yet seemed out of place, His self worth was shot but he didn't have words for that back then he didn't know what self worth was his own mother put him on the black market to be sold when he was born, his Aunt stepped in and took Jimmy she was a foster Mom to 30 kids in her lifetime, Jimmy's Mom went and got him when she got back on her feet financially which was very difficult not having a husband to help provide because the old man was a no good drunkin bum and Jimmy was reminded that he would probably end up just like him, and this was his chance to show them he was somebody, that he had measure, and these visions they were proof well proof enough for Jimmy, but it didn't turn out the way Jimmy planned rather than getting one up on everybody they all looked at Jimmy from a different light now. he new he should have kept his mouth shut, this is the price the price for breaking the deal with God to never tell the vision's. Jimmy kept on trying to rationalize and minimize having told,secretly blaming everybody else for breaking his oath. well they could make a deal with God if they wanted to, they know i am telling the truth everyone and anyone can challenge God he won't kill ya on the spot well i took the risk, i took the risk of being vaporized on the spot by challenging him, so could they thought Jimmy, he knew that was a lame excuse for blabbing.jimmy shared with me that he remembers having three different types of vision's well actually four he said he can't remember the exactly how old he was when he got his first one but he thinks he was around 6 or 7 years old. and because of his own research he reluctantly thinks maybe just maybe it may have to do with receiving a head trauma from his brother smashing his head into a brick wall when they were kids Jimmy said he ran in the house screaming and crying to his grandmother telling her that his brother Mike had just smashed his head against a brick wall outside, her response was, you probably deserved it, Jimmy said her remark and coldness to him hurt worst than the head injury it was another break in his heart that he couldn't bear.
Jimmy didn't tell all the kids he hung out with the full depth of his visions, being ridiculed and labbeled crazy amongst his childhood tribe was enough to keep him from trusting any one again, why he trusted me with al of the vision's i don't know it was an intuitive thing i guise, and he knew from experience that i didn't judge him.
Jimmy told me he did take comfort in in something that our Buddy Paco had told him, Paco was one of Jimmy's closet friends besides myself. Jimmy gradually started sliping away from the old crowd because he was put down to often and realized his position in the pecking order was at the very bottom rung of the ladder He said he can't remember how he became friends with Paco, but they hung out pretty tight for a couple of years Paco's Family was from Cuba and Jimmy would try and learn to speak spanish he did pick up a couple words it made him feel cool when he was hanging with Paco he felt tough almost invincible he knew he was riding on Paco's reputation as one of the toughest kids on the block, Paco saved his ass a few times, in some neighborhood scrapes with some other kids, one thing that confirmed for Jimmy that his visions may be from God is that Paco's Mother told him to hang out with Jimmy because as long as he hung out with him he would be protected, his mother was a very religious woman light candles prayed to the Saint's the whole nine yards the Catholic people do. Paco's Mother told him that she saw 12 Saints around Jimmy protecting him and that Paco would be safe if he hung out with Jimmy. Jimmy really took pride in the fact that Paco's mother a very devout christian saw them she saw the twelve, Jimmy new he wasn't crazy this was conformation that they were real. Paco was a loose cannon and was shooting Heroin at the age of 13, he was also very violent and was subject to hurt people for no reason. Jimmy was brought up Lutheran and was an alter boy the whole nine yards of being confirmed and singing his heart out to Jesus in the choir. Not that Paco wasn't religious he was Jimmy went over to Holy Redeemer with him once and Paco said come come on in while i go to confession i was like what what is confession we didn't have confession in the Lutheran Church, Paco explained that you confess your sins and transgression of the time before you last saw a priest,and the priest would absolve you of your sins, Jimmy couldn't believe it just like that just like magic sins gone, then he thought awe shit no wonder Paco does the shit he does he thinks he can just go get that shit wiped away by the Priest this was dangerous, they were giving a psychopath a clean slate to go out and do some of the most absurd violent shit then magically have it be wiped away. Jimmy thought hey maybe not so bad being Catholic maybe he would convert, and at least he could get rid of the guilt he was carrying around for the shit he did. Jimmy really took pride in the fact that Paco's mother a very devout christian saw them she saw the twelve, Jimmy new he wasn't crazy this was conformation that they were real.
Later in life Jimmy would get further conformation that he wasn't crazy, the first visions he had they weren't scary for Jimmy he said they were peaceful and loving and came about after staring at the different colors of light that reflected of of a rock that was given to him by his Aunt as a birthday gift, for his 8th birthday. She gave him two rocks one was heavy and metallic and Jimmy said that ,that one was more of a grounding rock because of it's weight the other one was very light and porous pitch black with jagged crystal tips that reflected colored light there was red purple blue and white light that would glow underneath the nightlight emanating in his room Jimmy would stare at the light shifting focus from the red to blue to purple and then white and he would say to himself go back to the white light refocus on the white light and after maybe 20 minutes to a half hour of intense discipline of refocusing and then focusing on the white light Jimmy would go out he said he could feel it happening because his eyes would get heavy and his head would start to nod and his whole room would fill with this beautiful golden yellow light, it wasn't bright like the sun it was more subdued than that, yet it was warm and it vibrated, it is hard to explain what Jimmy meant by that,that the light vibrated, he said it was like a rhythm that kind of had a pulse that rocked him gently. and then and then and this was the scary part for Jimmy to tell anyone, well he said God was their hovering in in front of him loving him with the presence of the light the glow was love he felt love and peace a warm loving feeling so intense that when the session was ending he would panic because he wanted to stay in that state, he had never felt anything like that before,and what he meant by that was he had finally felt love and that he had been given a reality about life that gave him meaning. Jimmy would beg God not to go he would say please please don't go i am so afraid, what will i do how will i live, Jimmy said God would answer without speaking without voice it was telepathy mind to mind. and God communicated to Jimmy he said do not be afraid i will always be with you, just call me and i will come. Jimmy was barley hanging on to reality he was living in his head most of the time in a make believe world were he was going to be rescued from his childhood home family situation by an actress that he saw at the movies once when his aunt took him to the show, he was living in terror a terror that he couldn't express. he said he remembers later when he was in his latter teenage years that his Mother said she was going to send him to a psychiatrist because he wouldn't talk, Jimmy wouldn't talk much up until he was around 5 years old.
These early visions these would be the ones that Jimmy would hold onto for his own consolation as evidence for himself of proof of a higher power,as well as many other so called coincidences that he would latter come to know as synchronistic events, he was elated later in life to find out about Carl Jung who coined the term synchronicity. his readings of Carl Jung would also help him to understand more about trance states and dreams and that indeed he himself had much in common with the good Doctor when it came to Trance Visions.
According to Jimmy unlike the later vision, the early visions were not provoked, they were natural,and came with a certian rythm and flow, after concentrating on an object usually Rocks. and sometimes there weren't visions There were what seemed like an entering into the object and becoming the object or becoming one with the obect there was a profound knowledge of the a loving presence that can not be put into words the best Jimmy could do to get close to describing the feeling is as if you were getting a hug from a person whom you loved, and it seemed like the hug would never end, total trust and letting go and truelley being in the moment all sense of time would disappear. latter in life Jimmy would learn that some call it Nirvana, or Satori
I started a short story on my blog page raw detroit blog witch is on my website wwwdetroitindustrialgalley.com, It's about a childhood friend Jimmy, well Jimmy say's he don't want me tellin the rest of the story cause he is gettin physically i'll from sharing certain aspects of it, and he's afraid he will be struck down with death if he tells the whole thing, because he told God when he made the deal withhim later in his childhood, after the first visions that were of a natural occurrence that God could take his life if he ever told any one, so as he was sharing these visions with me he started to get sick and the fear that gripped him was overwhelming, he said if he tells it that the vision would come true for all mankind and that it won't be good, Jimmy is scared really scared so i am not gonna push him to continue he did say he feels a certain obligation to tell it yet he doesn't want to let God down cause part of the deal was him promising God he wouldn't tell and he has lied to God so many times before that if he tells this he might be damed forever,he's in a bind, Jimmy said he will let me know give him some time to think about it. I say O.K Jimmy you take your time and get back with me when you feel like it, see i learned a long time ago you don't rush Jimmy and you don't push him when he tells you something straight up like this cause once he's at this point he feels like he has already been stretched to the breaking point and i have witnessed his breaking point,and it's not a good thing and i feel real sorry for those that didn't understand that Jimmy was one for few words if he told you once he fuckin meant it for real.
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